and something deep inside
yells
STOP!!!!

I can’t do this.

Why?

There is grief
There is fear

This is natural, child
all movement is death
all movement is rebirth
and this is
a Big One

And like death
and rebirth,
we don’t know
what will happen.

It’s a process
we move through.
Sometimes like a water slide
sometimes like rodent in a tunnel.

It’s scary
because you must make this choice
alone
like in death and birth
you are alone.
Will you move forward.
Will you go higher.
Will you go deeper.
Will you E X P A N D?
You are alone in this choice.
It happens within.

We don’t know
exactly who will be
with us
on the other side.

We fear letting go.

It’s natural.

Breathe.
Rest, child.

Let go. Gently.

You will find
familiar faces,
old and new,
on the other side.
Some faces,
yes,
will not follow you.

It’s ok.
Breathe
Rest
Grieve if you feel it.

But know this…
in following your heart,
the companions who stay
the companions who arrive
the lovers who stay
the lovers who arrive
just get
better and better.

It’s ok.
Let go.
Rise up.

We are angels,
after all.
And we are creating
Heaven on Earth.

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But really
I’m guessing
I still want what I wanted.

Confused yet?

And another
is not giving me
what I thought I wanted
and I’m realizing,
what does it matter?

What is a special day?

Does this day somehow
matter more?
Does it negate the rest?
Every other day?
No.

It doesn’t matter.

And another
is offering me
Paradise,
and I’m saying
“I dunno…
maybe someday.”
Even as I’m
crying greens
full of heartblush.

And another is
always present.

And more
and more
and more

Breathe

I can be
crazy.
I have been
tonight.
And many nights.
And days.

I can also be
calm.

Breathing
Breathing
Breathing

I write this
for me.
It may or may not
make sense to you.
It may or may not
make sense to me
by tomorrow.
I write this for Now.

My love affair
with me
is Herenow.
I am the center
of all.
My world revolves
around me.

Sometimes like a tornado
Sometimes like a merry go round

It’s hard to say it.
My world revolves around me.
I am so conditioned to lie about it.
And pretend it is otherwise.
Pretend not to be selfish.

What a lie.
We are all selfish.
To lie about that
is worse.

All taboos
have power.

I breathe.
I can choose.
I can press pause.
I can make the ride
how I want it.

All power flows through me.

My world revolves around me.

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The nearest I can come
is to say
it is when you see
hear
touch
smell
feel
someone or something
and you burst
with appreciation
and love.

It can be a lover
a guru
a flower
a child
a blade of grass
a kitten
a song
a meal
a moment
a kiss
a poem…

the possibilities
are endless

Divine rapture
can set off a chain reaction
of appreciating
Everything,
where one is giddily giggly
with LIFE
or so profoundly touched
that silence is the truest sound.

Divine rapture
is also possible, present,
and poignant
in what is considered painful and ugly.
Sometimes here it is most palpable.
When something is devastating,
our hearts can be gripped with sadness,
and we feel such love.
STILL, we can somehow see or feel
grace and order through chaos
and meaning in no meaning.
The utter beauty of this life
is apparent
in the full spectrum of possibilities
available in ALL nows.

All is in alignment
All is well.
This moment,
This breath
is perfect.

One can have moments
of Divine Rapture
or a whole lifetime of moments
like This.

Everything is,
in Truth,
Wondrous.

Here we Are*

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Want me
specifically.

General desires
are fine,
I guess.

But yeah,
that’s how
I feel about them.

They are good to know,
I guess.
Interesting enough.
I can file them
in the back of my mind
and see what happens.

My mind.
Ho hum.

But I really prefer
straightforward
bold
courage.

I would much rather
have a fire LIT
in my body
heart
and soul
by feeling it is
me
that GETS YOU GOING.
Me.
Specifically.

If you know
my heart loves you*,
tell me you crave
my unique blend
of wildness
sweetness
beauty
craziness
pheromones
lips
blood
teeth
desire
skin
breasts
eyes
wit
heart
all

Tell me that’s what
you really want.
To hold,
to love,
to ravish
straight to god.

Be specific.
Be very very specific.

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When I am
feeling unhappy,
your eyes
brighten me.

Your arms
warm me

Your chest
welcomes me
into your heart.

I can breathe
there
where life and love
reside.

I can rest
there
where
sounds delight
and silence
makes sense.

You beckon me,
far from the madding world.
Haven.

This feeling
becomes my meditation,
my beacon.
Heaven.

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I’ve used it,
sure.
I’ve appreciated
what it
got me.
But loved it
cherished it
embraced it…?

The time is now.

My mind
heart
spirit
body
are calling
for alignment
in love
and simplicity.

One is not greater
than another.

I embraced myself
in the shower
recently.
It may have been
the first time.
I felt my hands on me.
I felt what my lover feels.
I thought…
THIS is what it feels like
to be touched by me
with L O V E?

And THIS is the first time
I’ve touched myself
with this much tenderness?

How disconnected have I been.

We disconnect for a reason.
We are raised so far from
our true nature.
Our souls are shocked.
We retreat.

Now,
every now,
we are invited back
into this life.
Back
into these beautiful bodies.
Back into harmony
with our earth
our selves
each other.

It’s all the same.

Prodigal sons
and daughters
all.
Always welcome
Always adored.

We have raped
and scorned
our homes,
both body and planet,
yes.

Many have shame
Many have guilt
Many scorn their own humanity
and that of their brothers and sisters.

The Heavens and Earth
do not feel this way
about us.
Our bodies
do not feel this way
about us.

Forgive yourself
until you realize
there is nothing
to forgive.

We are still holy.
We are still loved.
We are still welcomed back
every now.

We always have been.
REALize this
and your world
comes alive.

So much more
is possible
for All.

Heaven is HereNow
Welcome.

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So much has left.
Including you,
temporarily.
I feel space
quiet
peace.

What arises
in me
calls for simplicity.

A beautiful space
where I am invited
to honor more
cherish more
love more.

All.
And especially
Me.

My physical space
My physical body
So much more feels possible.

Heaven on earth.
Welcome.

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Looking at you
across the couch.
Being seen.

Space is there
and also
collapsed.

Space feels
so irrelevant
sometimes.

You’re right here.

So much is said
in silence.
So much is felt.

Fullness.
Love.
Security
Beauty
Everything.

Flowers bloom
inside me
when I remember it.

I’m breathing slower
thinking about it,
feeling it
again.

This is a selfish act.

I’m writing this to remember.

I want to remember that feeling
forever.

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I’ve found this
forever place
in an open heart.

You don’t have to do
anything.
You don’t have to not do
anything.

What can you do
to stop being beautiful?

Nothing.

How could I stop loving you?

You are my very self.
We are all the same.

Whatever is there,
it may turn me from you
for a while.
Maybe.

But really,
what’s most true
is Forever.

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It may be too much
for some.

I don’t know.
I have to stop
being concerned
with That.

It’s none of my business.

If I blossom
in your direction or not.
If it bothers you,
either way,
I cannot control it
any longer.

It has it’s own life.
It is it’s own Universe.

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